and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
