That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I just sharted jello shots
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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