I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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