Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
