He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
