my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
