You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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