were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She bit a glass in half.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
