i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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