Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
