I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
