You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
