at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Randomize
