I have demons in me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
