Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
