It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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