the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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