is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
