so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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