Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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