I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
