She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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