i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
