I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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