i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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