So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's a naked man in my car right now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
