you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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