Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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