I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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