You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
