New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
