At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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