i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This is classic penis vs brain.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
