I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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