It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
