wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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