remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
