YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
