Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
time to smoke my breakfast
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
