3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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