theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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