I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
