3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
