Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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