Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
