I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
