at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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