I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
