I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
