i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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