I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
