I molested 6 butterflies tonight
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
